Say you come home from a hard day at work, and your boyfriend, grumbling about the weekend plans being up in the air, starts lecturing you about how indecisive you are. I honestly think there is a cure though. The treatment will inevitably fail. That is, personality, whether disordered or not, has as much to do with how and with whom we interact as it does with our genes and wired-in temperament. Because regardless of which habit steals their attention away from genuine love and intimacy, if our loved ones can't risk change, their problems are here to stay. Yes, your parents might not always satisfy all of your needs, but with a secure basis for your sense of self, you can manage those lapses without flying into a fit of anger , frustration, and disappointment. Bringing their behavior to the surface can just make them more dangerous, more manipulative and more convincing. Ask yourself, honestly -- are you staying because your partner's doing his best to change -- or because it feels too hard to leave? Can we change our personalities? In my work with people with personality disorders, the prognosis is best when the treatment is transparent and agreed upon.
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